Thursday, March 01, 2007

Manly Poem...

Despite all the time I spend in the bathroom,
I can't remember shit.
Not the important things anyway.
I'm told this is because I have a penis,
which explains why I can't remember dick.
Or so I hear women often say.
And if this were to be true,
this theory of genital organ
as a barometer of memory abilities,
does size matter?
Cause if it does,
God gave me big hands, big feet,
and a long
list of things I've forgotten.
And if having an outie and not an innie
in your private sector
is a genuine indicator of cerebral comprehension,
then shouldn't that be the real meaning
of the term "cockblocking"?
Is it ironic that men "dick"tate the world
despite being preoccupied with fart jokes,
while women bitch about our gas, prices.
Speakng of politics,
does it matter if you hang to the left or the right?
Because all politicians are basically assholes,
most with a twig and berries.
I know this principle may be whack,
another tossed off attempt by females
at putting my gender down,
despite the fact that there's so many
other things women do to keep us up.
But why do we get the shaft, just because we have one?
Is there actual scientific proof that having a ding-a-ling
makes you a ding dong,
or is that just a phallic fallacy based
on a bad stereotype named Long Duck Dong?
I believe it's all a cock-and-bull excuse
women use,
when the truth is they spend
so much time and energy enticing us
with their wares,
the make-up, hairspray, silicone, perfumes,
a combination of deadly chemicals
that cause the blood to rush to the wrong head,
hence our lack of ability
in keeping facts in perspective
and not in our pants.
Now what was I trying to say?
I don't recall,
but I hope I get this gets a rise
out of someone.
Because I really feel this idea has
a third leg to stand on.

by Chris McCrellis-Mitchell

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