Incoherence ... incofuckingherence

Because tear-choked incoherence will not make you hear I wonder
If I could harness humour to explain my hurt.
Would it make a difference?
Do we survive because my inability to specify results in silence,
Because of my reluctance to hurt,
Because of my inability to value my needs,
Because on too many levels I cannot believe that I have anything to offer?

Should I have challenged your selfishness, what I now perceive as selfishness,
Rather than be sensitive to your feelings?
Would you have been less so as a result,
And if so, less so what?
So what?
I am unsatisfied
Again, since it is seemingly OK for me to pleasure you,
Although I am not, myself, a source of pleasure,
Which hurts, reduces, negates and renders me humourless.

by Esme S.